I’m much more calm down about that last post… It’ll keep me thinking but funny as God is, last night while I was cleaning through some paperwork, I came upon a paper I took notes from a sermon on and I skimmed over the notes to see that the entire sermon had been about waiting… why it’s good to wait… how the Lord bless us when we wait… stuff like that… Then a little later while skimming through a friend’s magazine I noticed God talking to me through a birth control advertisement… It read something like: You’re pretty picky when it comes to men, why wouldn’t you be when it comes to your birth control. I started laughing!!!! I had to tell my friends that God was reminding me I don’t have to settle for second best when it comes to men through this birth control ad! Too, funny!

So the sky is blue today and I’m gonna get back to work… :) V

Hum, not sure what to write about… Let’s re-account the basics – I have fun going out and being obnoxious with boys… I have fun with ‘spiritual’ things… Somehow my mind or guilt or shame or stupid programming can’t handle both. Ever feel trapped in the Matrix of more than one program. I mean really, can I be a ‘Trying to Follow Christ’ Single Women and think about men… NOPE, NOT UNTIL I GET MARRIED! Seriously, as ridiculous as that seems, that’s what I’ve been feed. You couldn’t possible love Jesus and have sex outside of marriage but worse yet, if you even think about it you’re a Jesus killer… Now, you may want to stop here, as it seems I’ve decided to rant, and if your a man, you may not understand if you read on but I’m gonna continue…

Seriously, I think we’ve missed something!?! It’s not really all about sex, either! Truly but that seems to be the deciding factor in some of this! I was just talking to my dear friend last night about how much we both want to date. It’s been a year since I’ve had a real boyfriend, and heck; I really like having a boyfriend. I’ve healed some from the wounds of the past and I’d like to try again… but what does that really mean? How can I date in 2003 without figuring out where sex goes… It may sound lame but why is it, this weekend I meet a boy and maybe he’ll call maybe he won’t, but the next day after meeting him I was trying to figure out when to tell him I can’t have sex with him… WHAT IS THAT? Is that just good Christ like thinking or is that bazaar that before my first date with a new guy I have to figure that out.

Now I know, the truth is I can’t expect to date the average Joe these days without putting out… so yes, Jesus will send the non-average Joe when He’s good and ready for me to meet him… I KNOW!!! So then I re-run the old programs – Patience and Long Suffering are Fruits of the Spirit… and I know I should just suck it up and wait but is it so wrong to want a male person to hang out with… but heck, can I ever handle having a male around without, you know, thinking the wrong things…

Or what about trying to find someone cool to hang out with in the first place? Not in the ‘Church’!!! AUGH! That has never worked for me!!! They’re much nicer and more sincere outside of those walls… Plus the way the old program works, guys my age don’t have much to do with the ‘church’ until they’re ready to settle down and then with the ration of men to women all the girls jump at a young single man walking in the doors.

So I’m just wonder if something is messed up – other than just me. J

Oh, well, guess I should just take a cold shower… V

P.S. Please consider everything I write filled with sarcasm!!!